By Carolyn McCulley

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For years I went to church. Religiously. I actually went to church for about 25 years. Then I stopped. I’m so glad I did. Instead of going to church, I started being the church. It’s radically changed me. They have changed me. My family has gotten bigger.

Bono’s Church

The church is supposed to be a family. But there’s a problem. The church in America is too often very un-church. As a result, a lot of people say that they like Jesus, but they just don’t like the church … and they’re in pretty good company … with Bono. In U2′s song “Acrobat”, from the album Achtung Baby, Bono articulates a fairly common perception of the church:

No, nothing makes sense, nothing seems to fit.
I know you’d hit out if you only knew who to hit.
And I’d join the movement
If there was one I could believe in
Yeah, I’d break bread and wine
If there was a church I could receive in.

This is a common view of the church. What’s the view? Conflicted: “And I’d join the movement If there was one I could believe in. Yeah, I’d break bread and wine If there was a church I could receive in.”

Like many of us, Bono wants the church, but there are too many ifs. He wants to be part of the movement of the church. Unfortunately, many churches aren’t concerned with movement. Too many of them are inwardly focused, not outwardly focused. They aren’t the world-changing communities of the New Testament. They are static, inert and inward.

Bono wants the communion of church, but says there’s no church he can believe or receive in. I’m guessing that what Bono is referring to is not merely the eucharist, but the one-body community that is symbolized in the act of communion (1 Cor 10:16-17). Like Bono, many of us long for church as movement and communion, a church that is missional and communal.

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For years Kerry coasted in his Christian belief. Burned out by the legalistic culture of his Christian college experience, his post-grad years were a combination of disillusionment and disengagement with church. Church attendance was infrequent. Instead of investing in spiritual things, he decided to pursue his career, start a family, and carve out a spot in the good life.

He climbed the career ladder pretty quickly. Before he knew it, he was living in a half a million dollar home in a nice neighborhood, father to two, and enjoying a new community among fellow cyclists.

What could be better?

After a while, though, his good life seemed flat. He tried a few things to jump start it, including increased church attendance, but nothing seemed to work.

One day Don², an ex-rockstar buddy turned Jesus freak, shared with Kerry how God was changing his life through community. Skeptical but interested, Kerry began to ask more questions and even invited Don’s pastor over to his daughter’s birthday party.

The more Kerry learned, the more he was intrigued. Something was different about this church. Not only did they care about one another, but also cared about their city. Kerry joined them in social service projects and even showed up at some house church meetings.

Deep down, he knew this was something he had been longing for, something much better than the so-called good life. He began asking God if he should sell his house and become a missionary. Little did he know he was already becoming a missionary. Kerry was beginning to understand the gospel in a new way.

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“Mark —”

I stopped and rubbed my eyes.

“Mark, about the girl you were going to share an apartment with —”

I stopped again. How do you explain the obvious?

“Look, I’m glad you’re not going through with the idea. And I understand that you weren’t planning to sleep with her. We don’t have to spend much time on it. But just in case you get a bright idea like that again, let me ask you: Exactly how were you planning to turn off human nature?”

“What do you mean?”

“Perhaps you hadn’t noticed, but opposites attract.”

“I’m not attracted to her that way. Professor T.”

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To read Part 1: Does It Matter Who You Live With?

It was only a little past 11, and the Union was almost empty. Expecting a quiet lunch, I chose a table where I could look out the window at the Quad. No sooner had I set down my tray than a familiar face materialized in front of me. “Expecting someone, Prof?” It was Mark Manasseh.

“Not at all. Pull up a chair.”

He sat down with a plate of something I didn’t recognize.

“What’s that? Some kind of taco?”

“Haven’t you ever had a gyro?” he said. “It’s like a Greek taco. Gyros have been around a long time.”

I shook my head. “Food has changed.”

“Food isn’t the only thing that’s changed,” he said, and lapsed into a moody silence. He chewed meditatively.

“So what else has changed?”, I asked.

“Huh?”

“You said food isn’t the only thing that’s changed. What else has changed?”

“Oh. The rules. They’re always changing them on you in the middle of the game. I can’t tell who’s on first any more.”

“Who’s ‘they’? Has the Faculty Senate changed the graduation requirements again?”

“No. Actually I was thinking of a girl.” He played with his gyro, then looked up. “I guess I’m not being very clear.”

“Clear enough. Girl changes terms of relationship, guy confused. You don’t have to explain.”

“Maybe I should. We’ve talked about this kind of thing once before, and I could use the perspective of an, um, older person. Do you mind?”

I shook my head. “I have time. Being so old, you know.”

He reddened. “I only meant — ”

I laughed. “I know what you meant. Go ahead.”

“There’s this girl. Molly. She’s a friend. But that’s it: Just a friend. You know, we talk and do things together. But I talk and do things with all my friends.”

“Do you talk and do things with them the same way you talk and do things with Molly?”

“Not exactly. She’s a close friend.” He paused. “But just a close friend.”

I smiled. “Just very close.”

“Right.”

“And a girl.”

“Right.”

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I must have jumped when Mark spoke, because he said “Did I startle you, Professor Theophilus?”

“Yes,” I confessed. “Usually I hear people coming. You just shimmered in, like Jeeves.”

“Who’s Jeebes?”

“Never mind. Are you looking for someone?” He’d glanced over his shoulder.

“Yes, Sarah and Mary were supposed to be right behind me.” At just that moment they materialized. Sarah smiled. Mary burrowed in her backpack, and with a shower of number two pencils, extracted something and handed it to me.

“Yours.” It was my missing coffee mug.

“I’m glad to see you all,” I said, “But I was just going out for a bite.”

“Have it with us,” urged Sarah.

I asked “Is there a special occasion?” We walked to the Edge of Night.

“Not exactly,” said Mary, “but we need to pick your brains about living with non-Christians.” When I shot her a puzzled look, she turned to the others and asked, “Doesn’t he know?”

“Guess not,” said Mark. “Mary’s a Christian now, Prof.”

“Congratulations!” I exclaimed. “But why do you need to pick my brains?”

“My fault,” Mark said. “See, Professor Theophilus, I feel that part of my job here on earth is to make friends with people of different religions, so that I can bring them into Christ’s kingdom.”

“I don’t see the problem.”

“Just wait,” said Mary. “He’s crazy.”

“Well,” said Mark, “My old roommate moved out. I need a new one, so I’m planning to share the rent with this person I met who follows a different religion.” Mary rolled her eyes.

“How different?”

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DEAR BOUNDLESS ANSWERS

One of my closest Christian friends introduced me to your column, and even though I’ve NEVER written to a column editor before, I thought I would give it a try.

I’m 24 years old, currently in my third year of medical school. I’ve been a Christian for most of my life, but really started to walk with God the last few years. I have a decent network of Christian friends, though I’m not currently attached to a church or bible study, due to the fact that I travel a lot for my clinical rotations. I try to go to church when I can, but I haven’t been able to plug into one church since I am on the road so much.

Anyway, during my first year of medical school I met and started dating a wonderful guy and we’re starting to think about serious commitment (i.e. engagement). He is very sweet, kind, smart, funny, all those great things … and he’s a medical student like me. In short, we’re basically perfect for each other. The problem is, I’m not sure where he is spiritually. He SAYS he believes in God and accepts Jesus as his savior; however, sometimes I’m afraid he’s only accepted Jesus in his mind and not in his heart. If you gauge it by his religious practices, then some might say he isn’t Christian — he doesn’t go to church, he doesn’t participate in Bible studies and he doesn’t pray openly (he’s more of a private pray-er). But if you look at the way he lives and the way he treats people, you could say he IS Christian. He is a very loving person, and I believe he loves the way the Bible teaches — unselfishly, unconditionally, etc., etc.
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DEAR BOUNDLESS ANSWERS

In one of my calculus classes, I met a young man (I’ll call him Jeremy), who offered to help me on a project. At the end of the term, I gave him a Christmas card. To my surprise, he emailed me and told me I could email.

I did email him, and we continued to email for almost five months before we had another class together. During that time, we asked each other numerous questions and told each other a lot (or what I thought was a lot) about each other — our likes, dislikes, opinions, etc. When we finally had another class together, Jeremy asked if I could drive him home (he lived really close to my house and it gave us more time to talk about things). My parents had no problem with it, and I said OK. I drove him home for the rest of the term.

Eventually, we began to do non-academic things together. I invited him over several times to my house. He came over and we (along with my younger sister) had a lot of fun. Also, we went to see movies together, played in the park, etc.
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DEAR BOUNDLESS ANSWERS

I am a Christian guy. I came to know Christ later in life (31 years old) and God has put me through a crash course, so to speak, in the Christian worldview. Now I am dating a wonderful Christian woman who is 28 years old and has known the Lord most of her life.

Recently, she wore an outfit that was really hot that included a pair of short shorts, and she could see that I was conflicted. This brought up a conversation about modesty. This seems to be a new concept for her and I’m having a difficult time discussing it with her. All of the resources I find seem to be geared at educating your kids on modesty. I need help because now she feels like she left the house feeling cute, like she had it going on, and now I have burst that bubble.

Please guide us to a resource that will help us through this topic in an adult manner and will help her feel like she can catch my eye without being immodest. Thank you so much.

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